It’s easier said than done. Right?
No matter how hard we try, we still fail to love some people. All our efforts seem to fall flat. So, we either give up trying or are about to give up or desperately seeking a way to make it work. Sometimes these are really crucial relations like spouses, in laws, relatives and sometimes not so crucial but nevertheless important because of their influence in our daily lives like coworkers, neighbors, roommates.
Yet we witness certain relations that withstand the trials of our nafs, distance and time. Onslaughts of negative emotions like envy, ego is not able to even put a crack in the solid foundations of the relationship. We also witness a sudden surge of love and tenderness for people around us whom we could never imagine liking again.
How does that happen? Who makes us succeed and fail at times?
“And (moreover) He has put affection between their hearts: not if you had spent all that is in the earth, could you have produced that affection, but Allah has done it: for He is Exalted in might, Wise.”[8:63]
“ .. And He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.[Surah Rum:21]
So, now we know who makes it all possible. But the question still remains. Why do we fail?
A mention of the above ayat[8:63] by my sister in law, a student of the Quran and a heart searching discussion with one of my dearest friends led me to understand why we fail and what we can do to improve our chances of success, as who doesn’t want Allah subhana hu ‘taala ‘s shade on the day when there will be no other?
1.Check your intentions—why do you really want to love this person? Do you want to love your husband, because you truly believe that Allah subhana hu ‘taala has chosen the best one for you? Why do you want to love your mother in law though she sometimes does point out your mistakes? Do you want to love her to please your husband or Allah subhana hu ‘taala? Once the truthful answers to all the questions you put to yourself are Allah subhana hu ‘taala, then it’s time for you to move to next step. Else stop right there and ask Allah subhana hu ‘taala to guide you towards Him and then proceed to the next step.
2.Make Dua—Dua is the weapon of a believer. It is the only thing that always works. So, close your eyes open your heart and feel the depth of words of the du’a the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings upon him) taught us.
“O Allah!! Put affection amongst our hearts, reform our matters within us, guide us to the path of peace, save us from the darkness towards light, save us from all kinds of obscenity; the apparent as well as the hidden; bless our hearing, our sight, our hearts, our spouses and our children, turn in mercy towards us. Indeed You are the One who greatly accepts repentance, most Merciful. Make us the ones most grateful for Your bounties so we may compete with one another n Praising You for these (bounties) and complete these (bounties) for us.
The Arabic version is here.
3. And now it’s time to start the process again.
May Allah subhana hu ‘taala grant you success and grant us all His shade on the day when there will be none except His.